Bulletproof Underpants

Our Bulletproof Underwear provides unparalleled protection against low-caliber ammunition and minor kitchen accidents. The specially woven fabric disperses impact forces across the torso, allowing wearers to avoid serious injury even when attacked by a stray coffee cup. When damaged beyond repair, simply rip off the worn-out undergarment and receive a complimentary replacement pair via expedited mail delivery, courtesy of our patented Auto-Replenishment Protocol.