Portable Crap

The Portable Crap device has been designed for individuals who require an abundance of useless items at their fingertips. This compact unit stores up to 17 inconsequential objects within its hermetically sealed chamber, allowing users to carry around trivialities such as expired coupons, yellowed newspaper clippings, and used tissues. The included vacuum-sealed pouch ensures optimal retention of stale air, further enhancing the experience of carrying worthless ephemera. When not in use, the Portable Crap doubles as a decorative paperweight due to its weighted base plate. Simply attach any number of unnecessary documents or redundant receipts to maintain visual interest without actually accomplishing anything productive.