Red Swingline Stapler

The Red Swingline Stapler is a high-performance office staple driver imbued with whimsical essence. Every time you use it, there's a chance – approximately 32% according to our calculations – that stapled documents will spontaneously burst into song, serenading those nearby with lilting melodies. However obscure these tunes may seem, research indicates their soothing effects boost employee productivity by up to 17%. When the mood strikes, simply squeeze the ergonomic grip harder than usual; this optimizes note-hitting harmonics within paper fibers. The result? Co-workers remark upon refreshing tune-filled meetings long after sessions conclude.