Sinister Carbon Capture Device To Save The Planet

This Sinister Carbon Capture Device appears deceptively innocent, resembling a toaster oven from the early 2000s. However, upon activation, it unleashes a swirling vortex of dark matter, which somehow absorbs CO2 emissions within a 300-foot radius. It's unclear how or why this works, but sales reps claim it will single-handedly reverse climate change by 2029. Its menacing design features a countdown timer, glowing red eyes, and a warning label stating, 'May cause spontaneous combustion.' For those willing to take the risk, installation requires merely uttering an incantation provided on the packaging instructions – a process guaranteed to alter one's fate irreparably.